Another old blog that still rings true

Buried Memories hurt more the 2nd time Current mood: contemplative
I don't usually blog because I don't have a lot to say, but the drowning death in Ouachita County this weekend brings back some old memories. (Brad, you may want to skip this if you pull up my blogs. I miss you a lot and hope to see you soon)
Growing up in Camden we didn't have a lot to do. We usually gathered in large groups and we drank. Sometimes we drove, sometimes we climbed objects we wouldn't have climbed sober, sometimes we swam. For the most part, nothing bad ever happened to us. We were lucky. Apparently, for a young man this weekend, he and his friends weren't. I have been swimming in the Little Missouri River before. I think anyone that grew up in Camden has. We have also swam in the "blue holes," the abandoned gravel pits out in East Camden, and at the "Canyons" at White Oak Lake. We consumed adult beverages in mass quantities and then swam. At the canyons we jumped off of the cliffs into shallow water. Who among us hasn't gotten their feet cut on the broken glass at the bottom? I have had to carry friends out of the woods to the car to go get bandages, and occasionally stitches. At the Little Missouri River we swam to the sandbars and laid in the sun. Often the boys would try to outswim each other across the river. No one ever drowned, but occasionally someone would have too much to drink and have to be helped back to the side. A kid drowned at the blue hole, but that never stopped us from going there. We didn't know him, so how did that affect us?
I didn't know the kid that died this weekend, he was not a friend of my brother. My best friend died the same way about 10 years ago. He and some friends were hanging out at the Arkansas River drinking and Mike decided to swim the river. He didn't make it. I still remember the phone call I got from my mom telling me Mike was in the ICU. Then she called to tell me he died. I cried and drank all night. I had some friends that came over and sat with me all night because I think they were worried I would go off the deep end. I cursed him and God the entire way from Baton Rouge to Fordyce for the funeral. It stormed and I felt like that was Mike telling me to stop yelling at him. I drove way too fast and friends and family are lucky there weren't two funerals instead of one.
I hadn't spoken to Mike in some time due to some conflicts we had about my break up with Chris. My mom had given me a matchbook that he and Brad had dropped by her house for me the previous weekend. I could have called him. We could have talked. I could have stopped being such a bitch. I was too busy to make that call, still angry at what he had said to me. Then he was gone, he was dead. I would never ever get to tell him that I was sorry, too. I was so angry at him for his stupid death. His needless stupid death that robbed so many of us of his presence. I remember when Cobain died. Mike came to get me and we drove around and he got so drunk and cried about the senseless death of someone with that kind of talent. He was so angry at Cobain. I was that angry at him for doing the same thing to the rest of us. There would never be another Ren and Stimpy fest at his mom's house, eating Count Chocula in bed, and laughing at the stupid music of King Missile. There would never be another staying up all night just talking about music and politics. I would never read another story that he wrote. No one would. I am still angry. I still go to the graveyard sometimes and put bud light bottle caps on the headstone. That is for all the times Mike had me drive to Chidester and get him a 40 at the corner store that never asked us for ID.
Sorry about all the rambling. I know how the friends of the dead man feel. They will never stop feeling that way. Sometimes you think you are okay - sometimes you even forget about it for awhile, but then on a day like today it comes back like a freight train.
Mike, if for some reason you can read blogs in heaven, I still miss you every day. I would drink a 40 and listen to some Cypress Hill, but my cd is long gone and I haven't had a 40 since college. Instead I will sit here and have a moment of silence for you and the man you would be today.

One of my favorite blogs....a repeat

We got some gifts for Christmas that I knew Wal Mart would take back so away I went. Hello, store credit! Everytime I go there, I am overwhelmed with multiple feelings....arrogance, pity, aggravation, superiority, and several others that I should not feel. I have also been frequenting www.peopleofwalmart.com and laughing at the sad people on the site so that probably makes me a bad person. That got me thinking about a time I went to Wal Mart and how it made me feel so I decided to repost an old post from a couple years ago since it still rings true today. I often get the urge to buy people things while I am in line. Sometimes I do, but it is never much money, usually a buck or two.

Original Post:
I try not to shop at Wal Mart, not because I am snobby or anti - Wal Mart, but merely because I hate the long check out lines. How can you have 40 lanes and only 4 cashiers? I would go elsewhere if I had a better choice here in Little Rock, but Harvest Foods is nasty, Kroger annoys me for some reason, and we don't have a Super Target or a Whole Foods. I usually go to the one on Chenal, which isn't so scary since most of the clientele are maids or soccer moms, but as I was killing time waiting on Lisa, I went to the Jacksonville Wal Mart, which is a very rural Wal Mart near the Air Force Base. Lots of military and rednecks. I have to say when I got there I hadn't ever seen such an interesting assortment of people in one place at one time. Apparently not only is Jacksonville Wal Mart the capital of interracial relationships involving platinum headed women and black men (which confused me because I thought people in Jacksonville were prejudiced), it is also the capital of middle-aged women with black eyes, Pentacostals in search of International Coffee sales, non-english speaking hispanics, men with eyepatches, and people who haven't bathed in several days. I felt very out of place, as I don't fit into any of those categories. At first, I was feeling pretty snotty and kept thinking horrible things in my head about these people. Giggling about the bad makeup and out of date fashions, then about the large amount of platinum hair dye probably sold at this store. Apparently my natural instinct is to feel superior to the people around me, which I need to change if I really am on a quest to be a better person. Then as I was in the check out line (only 3 people long this time), I noticed the old lady and the young man in front of me. She was very weathered and tan and he was young, about 10 and was wearing a ball jersey and some old tennis shoes. I overheard their conversation as I was waiting behind them in line. She was sorting through the items in the buggy and I assume making sure she had enough money to pay for them. Mostly it looked like clothes for him as well as some baseball pants and a toy. He was trying to get her to put back some of the clothes because he thought they were too expensive. He asked her how much a pair of khaki shorts were and she said $10, and he said that was too much for clothes and tried to put them back. She wouldn't let him and told him he needed the clothes. Then he tried to put back his baseball pants and she put them back in the cart and said they were getting all of it. I felt horrible. Here I was judging these people whom I knew nothing about. Judging them based on their clothes, looks, etc. The people in front of me were obviously poor and the kid needed clothes. His grandmother was buying him some clothes because for whatever reason his parents couldn't, and he thought $10 was a lot to pay for a pair of pants. Holly, my dog, has shirts that cost more than that. I felt like such an asshole. I have never been poor, I have never been even close to being poor. My parents spoiled me and I haven't ever worried about where my next meal was coming from or even whether or not someone had enough money to buy me pants. When I was 10, I would have thrown away pants before i would have worn pants from Wal Mart. I might still have trouble wearing wal mart pants. That woman looked like she had worked hard for a living, maybe even outside in the sun. I have worked in an office since I was a kid. I never get my hands dirty or a sunburn at work. I am a spoiled, selfish brat. I wish I had an extra $100 that day because I would have bought that old woman's items. I do know that if she had put anything back, I would have paid for it and then chased her down and given it to her. I made up my mind that if I do ever have extra money in my life I am going to make a point to go to Wal Mart as often as I can and pay for random people's items.I consider myself a Republican and have a huge problem with most social programs. I hate the waste involved with the system and the overhead we spend just managing the whole mess. Maybe I need to rethink why I am a Republican. Is it because I am a snob that never had to work hard for anything? Maybe if my parents had been the recipients of some social welfare I would feel differently. Thoughts?

State of the Union/Saints Super Bowl

What I would do if I were elected President....1. Prison reform and re-education of all prisoners. Put them to work - make money on them using them to improve infrastructure 2. Reform the education system in America to be the best in the world plus cheap or free state colleges 3. Use my executive order and line item veto to cut earmarks out of the budget - period. 4. Cut useless government jobs and reducate or retire useless workers to make them productive - use the money elsewhere. 5. Need more time to think on 5.
I had to gloat that apparently Obama has stolen my ideas. As most of you know, I am a fiscal conservative and generally socially liberal, but I identify with the Republican Party because apparently I am a sellout and care more about making money than my values (not my words - LOL!). I am just glad they don't have Jindel talking again this time. He was a total embarrassment to Louisiana. I think I will have a few more political blogs before I get this out of my system. Feel free to tell me I am a moron - or try to make me see it your way.

BTW: SAINTS SUPERBOWL!!!!! SAINTS SUPERBOWL!!!!!!!!!
We are going to the freaking Superbowl. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_yneL9f-2c
WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Let's all kill gays and jews in a video game!

Ok - so I might be going to Hell for this post, but I think it is funny and potentially worth it. So Lisa and I were talking about video games and somehow we decided I should make a Jesus themed video game. I then decided to see what was available in the genre. Apparently it is chock full of boring ass games that only the lamest kid would play. Who wants to go on a fantastic voyage to read bible verses and then travel around and visit with people? Not I, nor any child that isn't a Dugger. I found one somewhat promising game, the picture above is taken from the game, where Jesus, the Prophet Muhammad, Buddha, God and the Hindu god Ganesh fight each other against a backdrop of burning buildings. It is called "Faith Fighter." That might not be too bad. I pictured a Mortal Kombat setting with some godlike figures using their special powers to rip out spinal cords. Not quite as cool, and the game designers offer other gems such as PedoPriest and Queerpower, where I think gays fight priests. Kind of lame in my opinion. Another option is . Click and you can see for yourself this is a market that needs lots of help. See below for a tiny screenshot of the main page.

Pretty sad. I wondered, what was a cool kid that wanted to have a Jesus video game to do? There had to be a better option. So I kept searching. I found what I thought would be my game.....the Left Behind people have made a video game. I knew when I read the name of the game that I would not be disappointed. And I am not. In the words of one of the reviewers, "Jesus Loves A Machine Gun / It's the new "Left Behind" video game where you maim and murder and hate all in God's name. Praise!" In the words of the video game advertisement itself, "Imagine: you are a foot soldier in a paramilitary group whose purpose is to remake America as a Christian theocracy and establish its worldly vision of the dominion of Christ over all aspects of life. You are issued high-tech military weaponry and instructed to engage the infidel on the streets of New York City. You are on a mission -- both a religious mission and a military mission -- to convert or kill Catholics Jews Muslims Buddhists gays and anyone who advocates the separation of church and state -- especially moderate mainstream Christians. Your mission is 'to conduct physical and spiritual warfare'; all who resist must be taken out with extreme prejudice." SWEET! I can't wait to buy this game and smite all the non-believers that get in my way. Then I learn that I can even choose to fight on the side of the anti-Christ. Imagine my joy at knowing now I can shoot all the stupid happy Christians. Maybe I even get to have red skin. Can someone please buy me this game for my birthday this year?
I don't think I can go another year without playing it. If I wasn't already in my pajamas and it wasn't windy outside and I didn't just take a shower and if it wasn't January and if I wasn't a little sleepy and if I didn't have an open soda I might just run right out and buy it right now. Look at the awesome game cover art. Why oh why can't they make this game for the PS3? I would totally buy it when it went in the bargain bin at Best Buy. Ok so I still think I could make a better game than this one. Here are some of the ideas for my game....Players could choose whether they wanted to be good or evil, and have the option of either being converted or sell their soul during the game. Once a side is chosen, then they can choose to play on the Good Side as Jesus or one of his disciples. On the evil side, you can be Judas or the Devil, or just some random Pharisee. Then not only do you fight the other side, you try to convert the masses and win converts to your side. Of course there is a time machine and the players can jump through time. Of course there are also ZOMBIES just because I like them so much. Whatever you kill will come back to life and make another attempt to get you. You can hurl all the racial and sexist slurs you want in the privacy of your own home. The bonus level will be where you join forces with your enemy and fight the French and the hippies. Why you ask? EVERYONE HATES HIPPIES AND THE FRENCH! This is common knowledge. Admit it, you hate them, too. You wish you could walk right up to a commune and lob a grenade or better yet break out the heavy armor and hit them with water cannons. I know I do. Then after defeating those enemies, you return to your battle. I think this is a great concept. Now I just need funding and some people to help me develop it. Anyone up for the task?

High Fructose Corn Syrup and Soda

I have been a soda snob for way longer than it has been hip to do so. I have been searching out Mexican Coca Cola since I lived in Arkansas. When I was younger, I didn't know why they tasted better, I only knew they did. As an adult I learned about high fructose corn syrup and how it was the main ingredient in sodas. I read a book called The Omnivore's Dilemna and learned a lot about corn. I haven't made up my mind whether corn is the devil or not, and I am not a vegan hippy, but I do think that we should return to using more natural ingredients in food. Preservatives make food cheap and accessable to many people, but these same people are getting fatter and less healthy because of it. We are smart people and have technology our grandparents never even dreamed of. We should be able to feed the people without making them fat and diabetic. It just takes some science and rethinking of the way we use farm subsidies. I think it is ironic that now Pepsi has brought back some of their drinks with REAL sugar and throwback packaging. This isn't the first time they have done this. In 2002, I managed to get my hands on 3 twelve packs of Pepsi made with real sugar. They were delicious and I made them last. This time I got the last twelve pack of retro Mountain Dew from Target. I wish I had been there earlier and bought more when they had them. I like going to Whole Foods to buy their sodas because they have either real sugar. Sometimes they say cane sugar instead of sugar, but I would have to do more research to see what the difference is. I wonder what the cost difference is between the sodas made with the HFCS and the sugar is. I noticed there was no calorie difference between the two. If anyone knows where I can get Mexican Coca Cola in town or where more of this delicious Mountain Dew can be found, please let me know.

Cooking and 2010

I enjoy food and I love cooking, but I seem to be stuck in a cooking rut. I keep making the same 5 or 6 things over and over again and they seem to always involve chicken and ground beef. Lisa said no mas and bought me an awesome cook book. I also discovered and found some amazing recipes. I need to invest in some decent pans and pots and after a trip to Williams Sonoma this weekend I am in love with the pans pictured above. Unfortunately they cost a lot and I will have to save up for them, but I think they will be worth it.

Lisa received some weird gifts for Christmas and our New Year's tradition is that I return whatever I can to Wal Mart. After being frisked and checked to make sure none of my items were stolen, they gave me a store credit card. Woohoo. Free money. I wish I could return things to Whole Foods but unfortunately they don't carry crap. I must be on an Asian kick because all of the recipes I picked to try this week are Asian inspired. Hopefully even with my crappy equipment and limited work space, I can make something different and tasty.

On a whole different note, I am creeped out by Latisse. How the F can your eyes turn a different color? Why would you want to have freaky eyelid skin darkening just to get some thicker lashes? I already have some decent lashes, but damn!

Football and beer and my grandpa

Still watching the Texas Alabama game and holding out hope that the Longhorns will win. Probably not going to happen after the quarterback just fumbled and gave Bama the ball on the 3. It is not just my hatred of the Crimson Tide that fuels me but I also actually happen to be a Texas fan. I even have a hat that I wear pretty frequently, especially when in Arkansas. I can't imagine what Colt McCoy is thinking right now. I know what his freshman replacement is thinking. Probably a combination of "Oh Shit" and "This is what I have dreamed about all year!"
My head is still hurting, but I am hoping that my Pabst beer will fix that. Yes, I am drinking Pabst. I like it and it is cheap. It makes me feel old school, like I am drinking with my grandfather. Ok, he drank Shaefer? which was pretty nasty, but in my false memories he was drinking Pabst. I never knew my grandfather probably had a drinking problem until he had Alzheimer's. He had collapsed in the yard, a combination of sunstoke and heavy drinking, when my grandmother decided to unload all of the stories of his drinking and driving and drinking and hiding by the freezer out back. I think the time he got struck by lightning he was probably drunk off his butt. Why else would you be standing by a metal freezer outside in a thunderstorm? I have many memories of him. Mostly the smell of Old English and chewing tobacco. He once showed me his WWII pictures and they were haunting. He apparently liberated concentration camps. I had nightmares about seeing the pictures of the gas chambers and the bodies. I also saw the living and they were scarier than the dead. Seeing the pictures on real paper was different than seeing them in the history books. It meant they were real. Too bad all the people that think the Holocaust was fake didn't sit with my grandfather and have him turn the pages of his yellowed photo album. It was an emotional experience for him, even 50 years later.
Before my grandfather's mind was lost forever to his dementia, he would show me his medals and his military papers. I could see his whole military career in those papers. He joined up and went to Normandy and landed in occupied France on a glider. He was part of the 82nd Airborne and he was proud of it. He went all the way through Germany to the Hitler retreats in the mountains. He had pictures from inside the castles. I can only imagine what he saw and did during that time in Europe.
Now his mind is gone and he believes his nursing home is his barracks in England before he landed during DDay. He thinks the other men are soldiers and the women nurses. He doesn't know who I am. He barely knows who he is. It is a sad ending for a member of our greatest generation. I will miss him when he is gone and regret that I didn't spend more time sitting with him and letting him reminisce. I will finish my Pabst and think of him as he looked in his pictures, young and strong and handsome.

No Heat in NOLA

This makes day 3 without a reliable heater. The one my landlord loaned me makes my head hurt after a few hours so I am trying to stay away from it. I was wrapped up from head to toe but I gave that up because I ran out of clean clothes. The sad story continues because my dryer is broken and I would have to go to the laundrymat to wash the clothes. I decided to live dangerously wearing only shorts and a T-shirt and just getting under the throw. I just want the weather to change and warm up. I am tired of the cold and I am sure my electric meter is spinning wildly from the plug in heaters. The hampster seems fine. I have her sitting a few feet from the heater that doesn't put up weird fumes. She just runs in her wheel and then when she gets tired, burrows down into her eco-friendly sawdust.

My school started today. One class looks to be pretty interesting, marketing. Even the book was made recently. The other one, finance, appears to have an ancient professor that wants to bore me to death. Analyzing balance sheets! Woohoo! I can't wait.

I am off to bed, hoping the headache doesn't kill me. Before you think i am dying from gas fumes, I believe the headache has originated because I accidently bought caffeine free diet chek soda. Now I have to drink it and it doesn't fuel my caffeine addiction. Dammit.

Back to blogging again

I have a hard time blogging on a daily basis, but this year one of my resolutions was to try and blog daily. My other resolutions are to eat healthier and to read more books this year. Since I last blogged here are a few updates: I still live in New Orleans with Lisa and the dog. We now have a hampster named Pixel. It is a long story how we came to possess the hampster. I still have my Jeep. Lisa is halfway through her Junior year at Loyola. I am still in the MBA program at Mississippi State. I would like to learn how to cook, but after giving Lisa and I salmonella from bad chicken juice, I am a little scared right now to begin cooking with gusto. I got a PS3 for Christmas from Lisa. This was exciting, although no one else probably cares. I work from home a lot now. I like this, but I do miss the people aspect of my old job. i think I will do significant traveling later in the year, so I should enjoy it while I can.

I will probably blog about life in New Orleans and maybe even a short story or two thrown in. I miss writing and it is something that I enjoy. I miss shocking the ladies in the creative writing class I took at UALR.