I have had this post in my head since I went to Ohio for my grandfather's funeral. I haven't been able to post it, or frankly anything else since that time. Call it writer's block, or possibly call it an emotional block, which is closer to the truth of the matter. I try to keep my emotions private from most people, at least the ones that matter. I was overwhelmed with emotion at my grandfather's funeral, seeing how much he meant to so many people. I have grown up away from the family. I am a virtual stranger to most of them, as they are to me. My grandfather meant a lot to my cousins, he served as a substitute father to several of them. I didn't know him as well as some of my male cousins, he was always more comfortable with the boys than the girls, but that didn't make him any less special to me, or me to him. He just grew up in an age where boys were boys and girls were girls. I always threw those lines out the window and I think I confused him with that. He worked hard, and served as a positive example for everyone around him. He will be missed.My grandmother transcended everything a woman was supposed to be in her time. She was and still is beautiful. Right now she is not doing well. My mom called to tell me today that they have said to call in the family, that she will not last much longer. This is both a blessing and a travesty. It may sound heartless of me to call it a blessing, but my grandmother was a vibrant, amazing woman and she is now a shell of her former self. My grandmother didn't take crap from anyone and she taught me at an early age that a woman can accomplish anything she wants. She grew up in rural West Virginia and realized at any early age that the dating pool was very small and
decided to run away from home and join the WACs for WWII. The recruiter told her she was underage and someday someone would figure it out and she would get shipped home from wherever in the world she happened to be at the moment. She then ran off with my biological grandfather to Benton, Arkansas, and worked in a munitions factory while he was stationed at Camp Robinson. After marrying him and returning to Ohio she eventually left him because of the drinking and the abuse. She got a divorce in a time that most women would have been beaten to death or let their children be beaten to death. Grandma never got welfare or any child support. She went to work as a telephone operator in Hur, WV and also worked some odd jobs on the side to support my mom and my uncle. She met my grandfather after she moved to Spencer WV after taking a job as a factory worker. My grandfather had to work hard to woo her because she was a feisty stubborn women who didn't need a man in her life. But love pervailed and they got married and stayed that way until his death this year. My grandma is a tiny woman, but with a giant heart and mouth. I remember her taking up for her family and never backing down in an argument when she thought that she was right. She always drove a huge car, and sometimes sat
on a phone book to be able to see over the top of the steering wheel. She would smoke with one hand, always her Salem Lights, and drive with the other hand as she slung our tiny bodies around the back seat of her cars. She drove fast and without errors. People who didn't know my grandmother were terrified of her driving, I always knew we would be safe. My grandmother was bulletproof. My uncle told me a story when we were going to the funeral that made me smile.... once upon a time he and his boyfriend had broken up and he was very upset. He called my grandmother because he was looking to talk to someone. She told him that he was better than the situation and that he deserved someone who would treat him right. He said she actually told him something to the effect of "wash that man right out of your hair!" My family tends to tell tall tales, we are overly dramatic about most things, but this is one story I believe is pure fact. Grandma never let anyone hold her back. Grandma also saw people for who they were inside, no bullcrap could fool
her. Grandma has movie star good looks. In another place and time, she could have been on the big screen. My grandmother is the most amazing woman I have ever known in person. She cooked some of the most delicious meals I have ever eaten. I still talk of her strawberry and chocolate pies, as well as the apple dumplings that I haven't had in 20 years. I remember when I turned 18 and I was a smoker, I was so scared that my grandmother was going to get angry at me for smoking. She wasn't angry at all. 
In fact, she demanded I went out to the car and got my cigarettes and smoked with her at the kitchen table. She told me since I was an adult now, I should make adult decisions. It was the "with great power comes great responsibility" talk.
Right now at this moment, my grandmother is in her bed in a nursing home in Beverly Ohio. She is at times, non-responsive. At other times, she is hateful, and sometimes sad. She wanted to go home to West Virginia. She doesn't know where she is and she doesn't know what is happening to her. I find it a bullshit end to a woman I have admired my entire life. She deserved to go out in a way that honored her. She deserves to go out in a way that she got to know what was going on. She doesn't deserve to have her memory and her dignity stolen from her by some bullshit dementia. She wouldn't want to see anyone suffer as she has suffered. I hope that in the end, she doesn't know what is going on and she doesn't know what has happened to her. She would be pissed and she would be looking to kick all our asses for not taking her out before any of this could happen to her. My grandmother is the kind of woman that wars were fought over, and the kind of woman who has inspired us all to be more than we could possibly hope to be.
Eula Blanche Allen, you have inspired me to be the best woman that I could possibly be, and no matter where your earthly mind might be, I know that your spiritual mind knows that this is all bullshit and that you are laughing at all of us.
